Misgiving
by archivedfics2013
Summary: It's just another stitch in this tapestry that is being created, and the picture being woven isn't a pretty one.  She's scared of what the end result may be . Post-Entrada, a little Alt-Livia/Lincoln, because I can't resist.


**No copyright inFRINGEment intended.**

… … …

Misgiving. n. feeling of doubt or apprehension, especially about undertaking a course of action (often used in the plural)

_She had misgivings about the plan._

… … …

She wants to run.

But running is not something she does. It's something _she_ does. When Olivia was Over There, she spent a lot of time running, in the parks, at night. It was a way to clear her head.

(Her head was often unclear).

Usually when she's upset, or confused, or angry, or just in need of an escape, she would go to the firing range and work out all of her frustration. But Over There's Olivia isn't as good a shot as she is, and she doesn't want to tip them off. So she spent a lot of time running.

But she's home now. If she's upset, or confused, or angry, or just in need of an escape, then she can go to the firing range.

(But she wants to run).

She's been told about the serum, the story about how she had a psychotic break, and how the other Olivia thought she _was_ _her_. It scares her. The lengths the secretary would go to, to win this war. To rob someone not only of the life they live, but of _themself_, scares her.

(She's not easily scared).

There is no war. She was able to find out that much when she was Over There. They are not at war. The secretary is simply seeking revenge against the people who stole his child. And he is doing so by destroying an entire universe, a universe full of evil, but full of so much good too.

Ella. She barely knew the little girl, but Olivia Dunham from Over There loved her, and Olivia Dunham from this universe had grown to care about her too. To kill a child, to kill millions of children and their families is not justified by the kidnapping of your own. She understands that what Walter did was wrong, very wrong, but in doing so he also saved Peter's life.

(She thanks him for that).

Walter. The man's crazy, and he's done a lot of terrible things, but he's also endearing. The man who experimented on children, the man who kidnapped a child, the man who killed someone is still there, but he's mellowed. He's sane enough to know what he's done, and sane enough to feel guilt for it, but not sane enough to let that guilt take him over. He lives in the moment because he doesn't have enough awareness to live in anything else, delights in red vines, and forgets Astrid's name. And he loves Peter more than anything in the world.

(Isn't love a funny thing?)

Peter. She was never in love with him, and it pained her to pretend so, but she could see why the other Olivia did love him. He was a good person. By no means perfect, but he never claimed to be. He loved their Olivia a lot, she could see that. Anyone could see that.

_Their _Olivia. She had only met her briefly, and had tried to kill her when she'd done so. And she felt terrible for what she's made of her life.

(They were all conned, all three of them).

The secretary had told her that the people Over There was monsters in our skins, pale imitations of human beings that would use any means to get what they wanted. And she had believed that. She had seen good in Peter, but Peter was originally from this universe.

It had been the way Peter loved her that had made her doubt what she had been told.

Of course, it was not her he loved. It was the other Olivia. But to have been on the receiving end of those emotions, to experience the way he felt about the other her, she had began to doubt the secretary. Peter was a good person, from their universe, but he loved someone from the other universe. Peter wouldn't have fallen for a monster.

(She doesn't hate the other Olivia anymore).

The way Peter viewed that universe had began to colour how she viewed that universe too. If he saw so much good, loved the people there, cared for them, enjoyed their company, then maybe they weren't monsters after all. Maybe they were people just like the ones from her universe.

(People like Lincoln and Charlie and Frank and her mom),

She has stayed up many nights thinking about this, thinking about what she's done. She regrets what she has taken from the other Olivia. What if Frank hadn't been away, and _she_ had slept with him? How would she feel? And even then it isn't the same, because that Olivia wouldn't have known what she was doing, and she's been in a relationship with Frank long enough that sure it would have mattered, but they could move on. But their Olivia never got a chance to be in a relationship with Peter, and Olivia has taken so many firsts away from the two of them. She cannot imagine what it must be like for that Olivia now, and she regrets that.

(She regrets a lot).

She cant talk to Frank. Firstly because there's so much classified information he isn't allowed to know in the first place, but mainly because she doesn't want to. When she was Over There, she had said that being in another universe had changed her perspective on things as an excuse for the differences Peter had noticed. Well, being in a different universe truly had changed her perspective on things. She cares for Peter, but she doesn't love him, and she cares for Frank too, and she isn't sure if she loves him. It's just another stitch in this tapestry that is being created, and the picture being woven isn't a pretty one.

(She's scared of what the end result may be).

She can't talk to Frank, so she talks to Lincoln.

She tells him the whole truth, about everything, about her time Over There, and about the other Olivia's time here. She tells him how she isn't sure if she loves Frank, and how she doesn't want to fight this war, and how she thinks what she's done might not have been for the greater good after all, but instead for a larger evil she doesn't really understand. Lincoln holds her when she cries.

(She's wanted to cry for so long now).

He kisses a tear from her cheek. She kisses him softly, and for the first time since all of this began, there's something she isn't confused about. Lincoln is someone she knows she can depend on, and it saddens her how few people there are that she can say that about.

The first thing they do is talk to Charlie.

(She's missed them both. How are Charlie's worms coming along?)

It takes a long time for her to explain again, and even longer for them to decide what to do next. They contemplate doing nothing, but they cannot just let a whole universe be destroyed. They contemplate waiting, but for what? They contemplate finding a way to cross over to the other universe, but what good will that do? She jokes maybe they should just kill the secretary, but their laughs fall flat when they realise it's a very real option.

It frightens all of them to contemplate murder for people they've never met, for a universe they don't belong to. They'll sleep on it, they decided, and meet again in the morning for breakfast at Charlie's.

She goes home and breaks up with Frank. And feels terrible about it. She's sorry, it's not him it's her, no he didn't do anything, she just feels differently, she isn't asking anything from him, she's just changed. She's glad he's not angry but thinks it might be easier if he was, and feels terrible because she knows she's breaking his heart.

(Hearts are such fragile things).

It's not a messy break up, but a sad one, and she can't stay with him tonight. She packs a bag and winds up on Lincoln's doorstep. He's not surprised she's there, and his arms around her feel different to the way Frank's did, but in a good way. She sleeps peacefully. The following morning, they discuss what happens next. They both would like to try a relationship, but she did just break up with her boyfriend of over a year less than twenty four hours ago, while having been simultaneously in a relationship with someone who thought she was a completely different person for the past month. They agree to take things slowly. He kisses her lightly.

(He kissed once before, a million years ago, when things were simpler).

Together with Charlie they resume their contemplation of what to do about the war that's coming. The war the secretary is creating out of vengeance. They're not sure what to do. She wants to talk to Peter about it, ask his opinion, but that's crazy. The only person that can cross universes safely is their Olivia, and even if there was a way, Peter probably, _definitely,_ wouldn't want to talk to her anyway. And their Olivia would probably shoot her for what she's made of her relationship she never got a chance to have.

(All the same, she would like to say sorry).

When she voices this aloud, after much discussion Lincoln and Charlie agree that they want to talk to the people on the Other Side. Assassinating the secretary may be a good idea, but it will not put a stop to this; he was the initiator of this war, but he is not the only person supporting it. Killing him isn't such a bad idea, but it won't solve the problem.

So they want to talk to the people Over There. They want to make themselves known as allies and not enemies. They want to discuss a solution that will save both universes.

Of course, this is all just hypothetical. Until the secretary can find a way to cross over safely, they can't do anything. Lincoln suggests maybe he wont find a way, maybe there will be no war, but Olivia shakes her head. The man is determined. He'll find a way. There's no doubt about that.

(She hates him with an intensity that surprises her).

They agree on waiting silently until the secretary finds a way to cross over. Until he does, there is no point in making themselves known enemies. Everything needs to be done quietly.

They are in this together, all three of them, and perhaps she can make up for what she's done. This war shouldn't have to be fought, and maybe they can help find a solution. It wont be easy.

(It might be worth it).

… … …

**Authors Note:** I don't think this does Alternate-Olivia justice, but I really do like her character, and I don't like the way that recently she's been portrayed as a cold hearted bitch. I hate the things she has done and the havoc she's wreaked, but I don't hate her. Well, I might have sat shouting at the TV at the top of my lungs when she was with Peter, particularly during 'Do Shapeshifters Dream Of Electric Sheep?' (Alt-Liv: "I've lied to you." Peter: "About what?" Me: "EVERYTHING!"), but that's beside the point.

I had to slip in some Alt-Livia/Lincoln, because I really love the dynamic they have. And because I don't like Frank much. I'm not quite sure why, he's just a bit too _perfect_, if you know what I mean? And if you don't, that's fine, I'm just crazy.

I'm debating making this a multi-chap. If it were to be, it wouldn't be written in quite this style. It would be written the way I usually write, which I'm not sure how to describe other than 'the normal way'. This would be the prologue.

However, I think this works fine as a one-shot, and for the time being, it will stay that way.

Opinions, anyone?


End file.
